


Don't Look Back

by imthederpyfox



Series: Glee - prompts [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: AU, Angst, Death, F/F, F/M, Glee - Freeform, Grief, Illness, M/M, Sad, Terminal!kurt, a lot of tags, non-cannon, original prompt, prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-12 16:04:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthederpyfox/pseuds/imthederpyfox
Summary: Kurt relives the best and worst parts of his life as his friends remember everything they love about him.- my own original prompt so if anyone would like to do their own version of this story, go ahead! Make sure to send me a link so I can read it!My prompt - (kurt angst) Kurt gets diagnosed with the illness that took his mother. Knowing the clock is ticking down he needs to decide how to tell his friends, how to fix broken things, and how to handle the news himself -You can decide how Kurt will react to the news and who he tells, how he tells people etc. It's a sad prompt so sorry aha, just suddenly had the idea and went with it.Hope you guys enjoy





	1. News

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, feel free to send me any versions of this story you guys decide to do! I would love to read them.
> 
> Poor Kurt
> 
> Also this my version of this story will be a bit weird in terms of pacing and timejumps so... Be warned.
> 
> Also prepare for sadness and feels to occur :')

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As I said, weird time skips, hopefully it's not too confusing throughout the series.
> 
> Also - archive sort your shit out... This work won't post as the others have, for some reason it doesn't want to post normally? 
> 
> If I can't fix this then I'm sorry

Opening his eyes, he didn't know what to think...  
His voice came out as an echo, the quietest he had ever heard it...

"Finn...?"

 

\------------

His hands shook...  
But he felt strangely calm. Perhaps the news hadn't hit him properly yet, his brain was probably in denial and forcing him to keep a quiet calm.  
What broke him from his trance was his dad, his shaking hand gripping onto his sons and tearing him from his thoughts.  
He turned and looked to his dad, holding a hand to his eyes to attempt to hide the tears he shed at the news they had just received.  
This was it.  
This was what took his mum.  
This was what would take him.  
He felt his face and realised he had been crying, without knowing it. But he knew he wasn't crying for himself.  
No.  
He was crying for his mum. For his dad. For his family...  
Carole... She had already lost so much. His dad would have to tell her.  
He would have to tell his friends, his boyfriend. His teachers and watch the news spread to his bullies who would probably rejoice and marvel in the fact with a party where someone accidentally ends up pregnant the next day.  
Suddenly he feels sick as he can taste the air. His senses are ten times too heightened right now and all he wants is to curl up in his dad's arms and have him rock him to sleep like he did when this happened to his mum.  
He suddenly heard the doctor talking again, something about attempting treatment but with family history no guarantee of success.  
He almost wanted to laugh at the odds... The three people his family had began with, and all of them had had this horrible disease. This virus. This... Cancer.  
That was it for him.  
That was when he broke.  
He heard himself choke out a sob, suddenly shaking ten times more as the cold grip of knowing his fate wrapped it's greedy hand around his mind. The soft tendrils of what he imagined to be slim forming as the reaper slowly traveled for himself.  
He felt his dad squeeze his hand reassuringly.  
He looked to his dad.  
To the red eyes and the tear tracks.  
He then looked to the doctor.  
It was like he was watching everything from a room in his mind, not being able to control the scared, pale boy that he watched slowly breaking down and crumpling into dust around him.  
He finally gave a small cough and began asking about treatments.  
The doctor filled them in, and he noticed a hint of pride in his dad's watery eyes. He was still staying strong.  
"Now because your father survived unscaved it is possible that could happen. However... With the... Female side of the family to consider, we can't rule out what genes do. And let's face it, usually take the worst from the bunch rather than the best. Still, while I don't want to instill you all with false hope of a full recovery, I would also like to point out that you should never lose hope. Because that might just be the spark to a miracle." The doctor gave a sad smile, looking between the two Hummel's.  
\------------  
Burt returned home from the shop, tired of a long day, placing his keys on the kitchen counter and flipping the light on.  
He noticed him then.  
The small boy - too small for his age - curled up at the kitchen table, an empty plate in front of him and his eyes closed peacefully.  
It was two hours after Elizabeth would have made the boy dinner... He gave a heavy sigh, walking over and shaking his son lightly. Contemplating whether he should have just carried his son upstairs and put him into bed, he gave a smile.  
Kurt rubbed his bright blue eyes, yawning slightly as he looked up to his dad.  
"Daddy...?" He asked, his voice quiet and high like usual.  
"Hey champ. How long you been here?" Burt asked.  
"I got home at... At half 3." He answered, closing his homework book. Burt felt bad, he wasn't used to this. For the past couple weeks it was more difficult because the boy hadn't been coming to the shop to do his homework there. He seemed to be in the stage of denial, or he was too tired from school work at the end of the day to remember the loss to their family.  
Burt sighed and took the boys plate. "You want some waffles or a sandwich?" He asked, walking over to the fridge-freezer. The boy perked up.  
"Samich!" He called, almost happily. Burt couldn't help but smile to himself at his sons pronunciation of the word before making himself and Kurt a grilled cheese. "Here ya go boy." He said, placing the plate down and taking a seat next to him. He was so tired but Kurt needed bathing and reading to and a glass of warm milk before bed... He watched his son as he ate.  
Truthfully... He didn't know what he was doing.  
"Reckon you could run the bath once you've finished eating? I got some paperwork to sort through and I'll be up after?" He asked.  
Kurt nodded, enjoying his sandwich.  
"Ok, so in half an hour ya think you could have a bath and get into pyjamas?" He asked wearily, knowing Kurt was just a kid. He received another nod and finished his food, walking over to the sink. A few minutes later his son had finished as well and had handed him his plate before tottering off upstairs.  
Burt sighed, finishing the dishes and drying his hands. He grabbed the paperwork and sat down in his big comfy chair, reading through it.  
He didn't realise what time it was until he woke up to see the clock. His son was sitting on the stairs near him, fast asleep.  
He cursed himself and stood, taking his ready dressed son in his arms - almost too easily - and carried him to his room, placing him under the covers and tucking him in. He smiled and ran a hand over his sons hair, before turning and walking back to the door, flicking the light.  
"Goodnight boy..."  
\------------  
The car journey home was hauntingly quiet.  
Burt attempted not to glance over at his son from fear of breaking down, but needed to see how he was taking it.  
Kurt simply stared out of the window, seeming so vacant. His jaw set like stone and all the colour drained even more from his already pale complexion.  
"Kurt...?" His dad finally asked as they pulled into the driveway. His son didn't response more than closing his eyes to and giving a breathe as if attempting to relax himself.  
He had always been used to dealing with other peoples issues and problems, he didn't have the first clue when it came to himself.  
"Kurt... Look at your old man." His dad added.  
Finally Kurt looked to him, blue eyes as glassy and beautiful as ever. At that point Burt let a small son escape.  
That blue. The same blue as his wife's. As Kurt's mother. It was years ago now but it still hurts just as bad. And the memory that popped into his head of that same seemingly cursed blue just hit him straight in the heart and refused to let go. That blue was the one thing that had stayed the same when his wife had been laying in that hospital bed... The one clear thing he remembered properly throughout the fluctuating health and dwindling hopes.  
"Kurt..." He found himself gripping his sons shoulder. Strong, but comforting. "I'm... I'm so sorry that you have to go through this so young... I mean... I don't know man, you're not even twenty yet..." He stared at his son, who's lip quivered slightly. Anyone else would have missed it because of how strong Kurt's walls usually were, but Burt knew. He knew his son.  
"I'm nineteen dad. I'm not that far off... Only a couple months." He sounded quieter than ever. Like a ghost of himself.  
"I need you to know Kurt... I love you. And we will all be here to help you pull through this. All of us. Ok?" He was stating this more to himself than reassuring his son, but Kurt gave a small smile none the less, though his eyes still betrayed him by showing how upset he was.  
Burt hugged his son, forcing the tears back down because he had to be strong now. He would have to tell Carole and he didn't want to have all of his worried forced out of him if he suddenly broke down.  
"Now... How about you go in and order us some take out - your choice - and I'll go tell Carole?" He asked. Reminding him of the conversation he had had with Elizabeth to cheer her up once she had first gotten the news. But Elizabeth had made a compromise.  
\------------  
'How about I go order the takeout... And we tell Kurt together?'  
\------------  
He could still feel her hand on his. Gripping slightly with beautifully immaculate nails.  
He found himself staring at his son. Like he was searching for something. But he didn't have to search. He had always seen her in him. Even when he attempted not to...  
He released his grip on his sons shoulder and reluctantly looked away at his sons nod, opening the car door and letting himself out.


	2. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt decides it's best to tell his friends sooner rather than later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, pretty much 100 hits on only the first chapter?! You guys are friggin awesome! 
> 
> Seriously, thanks guys
> 
> Poor Kurt, hoping this chapters as good as the last one
> 
> Also, if it would help to upload a timeline of where every jump is, I will make one.   
> Let me know if it's too confusing or ask if you need to know which parts are where

He had to force himself out of his bed the next morning.   
As far as he was concerned he could have limited time left and while he didn't want to go to school today, he refused to spend his limited time in bed.   
He sighed and got dressed, feeling numb to the world as he styled his hair and put on some moisturiser. Looking at himself in the mirror he let out a shaky sigh.   
He could do this.  
He could...

He swallowed down his tears before exiting his en-suite and walking into the kitchen to grab some food before school.   
\------------  
He had been showing his dad how to make crépes on the Sunday. They have laughed and joked around and decided to have a lazy day.   
Once they had cooked them Burt convinced Kurt to let them have the French treats with nutella, Kurt had reluctantly agreed despite hating it when his dad ate unhealthily. But he also convinced his dad to have banana slices as well and once they were done they sat on the couch, watching old musicals that Burt didn't actually mind because it reminded him of family days when Kurt was a young boy.   
They laughed and joked and caught up about school and work and college.   
"What's up with your arm?" Burt had asked when he noticed a few irritated looking red splotches on his sons usually pure white skin. His son just shrugged.   
"Think it's a rash, I tried some new shampoo and it's on my scalp as well. Gonna change back." His son had answered, watching the TV.   
Once they were done Burt had collected the plates and took them into the kitchen. After washing them he turned away from the sink and walked back to the living room, seeing that Kurt had stood to change the DVD.   
After a couple seconds Kurt had dropped to the floor with a THUD.   
Burt had ran over, cradling his son and calling his name.   
Carole was at work... She wouldn't be home for a few hours.   
Holding a hand on his son to show he was still with the unconscious boy, he grabbed his car keys from the table and quickly stood and picked the boy up, easily because of how slight the boy was. He rushed to the car, placing his son down - who at this point seemed to be regaining consciousness - and rushed to the drivers side.   
All the way to the hospital he glanced over at his son, who half way there became coherent enough to notice they weren't at home anymore.   
"Daddy...?" His sons quiet voice came. Burt looked to him as he pulled into the car park of the hospital. Kurt had stopped calling him 'daddy' a couple years after his mum had died. He was almost 20, he only called his dad that when he was too upset to notice or if he wasn't quite there.   
"Yes boy?" Burt managed to answer, grabbing his keys and turning to Kurt.   
"Why... Why are we here?" Kurt asked, looking from the hospital to his dad. He ha always hated hospitals...  
"Because, you passed out, Kurt."   
"But I'm fine now..." His son almost whined.   
"It's just to check there's nothing more going on... Kurt. I need you to be honest with me... Have you been... Passing out before this? At all?" He placed a gentle hand on his sons shoulder. He knew his son was one to overwork himself, so he figured the fainting was just fatigue.   
"I... I um did a few days ago. And, my legs decided they just didn't want to work a couple days ago when I was getting out of the shower. Took me about twenty minutes before I could stand up again..." Kurt answered. He usually wasn't this honest about stuff, but Burt figured his son knew the doctors would ask him this anyway and his dad would force him to go into the hospital despite his protests.   
"Why did you tell me?" Burt asked after giving a heavy sigh.   
"I just thought it was because of college and work and stuff... I had a big show with Vogue last week and I thought I was just tired." Kurt admitted, his voice sounding small as he stared down at his hands.   
"I'm not mad Kurt. I just wish we could have checked this out sooner." Burt gave a small reassuring smile. "Can you stand?" He asked, walking round to his sons side of the car and opening the door.   
"I, um... I'm not sure. Let me try..." Kurt answered, swinging his legs round and attempting to stand. He wobbled at first but managed to walk in with his dad, sitting in the waiting room as his dad filled out his details.   
\------------  
"Wait, I don't understand." Rachel spoke, though her usual loud and confident tone seemed to have vanished. He stared at Kurt, as did the rest of the room.   
"I... Don't exactly know how to explain more than that." The boy answered, just jaw set to stop himself from breaking down. His old friends stared at him like he was an alien as the new kids looked to each other, seemingly trying to see if they should say anything to help. Mr Shue seemed speechless, looking round at his kids before looking back to Kurt. "The... Um... The doctor said that they're gonna start treatment as soon as possible... But-"   
"But?" Mercedes asked, linking her hand with Rachel's who sat next to her.   
"But... He said there's no guarantee. Seen as my mum... Didn't um... Didn't make it." He let out a shaky breathe and closed his eyes for a second. "I thought you all should know." He almost whispered.  
"Is that why you collapsed at NYADA last week?" Blaine asked. Kurt gave a guilty nod.   
"I didn't know until yesterday. I don't know too many details, they said they'll fill me in properly when I get my first lot of medication... They're gonna be fairly aggressive with it as well to better my chances." He cut himself off, staring at the floor because he couldn't stand to look at his friends upset faces and know he caused that.   
"Kurt." Mr Shue finally spoke, standing and walking over. "You know all of us are here to support you. Always." He gave a sad smile.   
"Does this change your plans to go back to New York?" Tina asked.   
"Yeah. For now they think travel wouldn't be the best thing for me so they're gonna start my treatments here and if I show some progress over the next couple months I get to go back to NYADA. Vogue said they'd pay for medical leave for a few months and to keep them updated and Carmon Tibideaux said she would be willing to let me take a year out to get myself sorted. And I'm free to come back whenever I recover." He stated. He then addressed his roommates. "I understand if you guys need to go back because of rehearsals and studies."   
Blaine and Rachel looked at each other. "Kurt I can ask for time off if need be..." Blaine spoke. Kurt almost missed being his boyfriend at this point, if just for a hug.   
"You don't need to do that Blaine, trust me this will... All be cleared up soon. I wouldn't want you to fail classes just because of this." He tried to reasure everyone, even if by 'cleared up' he knew there was only two ways that could go. And the bad way was kicking the good was off a cliff.   
"Well us guys will still be here, and I'm sure that the people who are visiting for longer than this week will be happy to help out whatever way they can." Mr Shue smiled.   
"Please tell me we don't have to use a week to sing songs about cancer?" Kitty spoke. "As sympathetic as I am and as upset as we all are I think that'd just bring down the mood." She added.   
"I second." Santana finally spoke up. "As much as I love my gay-fairy roommate, and apologise for seeming like a bitch as usual, but all singing sad songs about illness will do is lower our moods and let's face it, best way to help in this situation is to keep moods high and normal. Nobody got better by being morbid." She sent a sincere smile in Kurt's direction to assure him she had good intentions. He gave a small nod back.   
"Exactly. And if Kurt is going to see us all perform at Nationals this year then we gotta keep him happy, to keep him healthy." Kitty smiled.   
"As strangely as it was put I fully agree." Mr Shue gave a slight chuckle before turning to the board to write this week's lesson on it.   
Kurt could see through the fake smiles Mr Shue had given. It hadn't been that long since Finn... He internally sighed, attempting not to think about it. Santana was right. Happy thoughts lead to happy endings.   
\-------------  
He sat in the hospital bed, ringing his fingers around each other and staring at the ticking clock. He could feel his heart fleeting as he sat in the hospital gown.   
Suddenly he felt a strong grip on his arm and turned to look at his dad, who sat next to him reading a car magazine. Burt gave a comforting nod and Kurt gave a sad smile before nodding back.   
"What's taking them so long...?" He finally asked.   
"Kurt relax, it's only your first day of treatment. Trust me, from experience of witnessing it before you'll be wishing they had taken a lot longer when you actually have to take the medicine." Burt answered. Though he tried to sound calm he was freaking out as well.   
"Chemotherapy..." Kurt nodded slowly. "My hairs gonna fall out isn't it...?" He asked. Burt couldn't help but give a small chuckle at his sons worry for his hair.   
"Not always the case but the chances are leaning that way bud."   
"I told everyone first year - I can't rock that look." His son sighed, looking up at the white ceiling.   
"Everything's gonna be fine Kurt." Burt stated.   
"Yeah. Yeah I know." He didn't look to his dad, he didn't want him to know he was lying. Honestly nobody knew whether they would survive from cancer. Even the doctors with their percentages and estimates were only guessing.   
He looked down at his pale arms, the red splotches had spread. And when he was putting on his gown he had noticed a large red splodge on his back, partly across his spine. He had felt his breathing stop, finally he had forced himself to stop staring and had closed the gown to before walking back out, making some sassy comment about how hideous the gown was.   
He sighed, returning to staring at the clock as he tapped his foot and continued ringing his hands.  
\------------  
"Dad, I'm sure it's nothing. Can't we just go home and watch more musicals?" Kurt asked as they sat in the waiting room.   
"No Kurt." Burt answered simply, taking the forms over to the desk before flopping back down next to his son in the uncomfortable chairs.   
"I'll let you have a bacon sandwich for dinner." Kurt attempted bargaining but when he got 'that' look from his dad he stopped and folded his arms, staring down at his shoes. "Dad..."   
"Yes, Kurt?"   
He didn't look up from his shoes. "...mum had passed out a few times..." He didn't want to see his dad's face.   
"Everyone passes out Kurt. It doesn't mean it's related. You're probably just working too hard, after all you've got Vogue, the diner, NYADA?" His dad gave a reassuring nudge, causing his son to finally look at him. "Plus with your mum she had always been... Sickly. She refused to get tested for anything for a while. She thought it was part of one of her colds, which always effected her more than most people. Relax, you'll be OK."   
"If I'll be OK, then we should go home." Kurt mumbled. "Not really instilling me with a lot of confidence. Even if it's something minor we both know I take after mum in the health department..." He sighed, sliding down in his chair more.   
"You havn't been sick in years Kurt."   
"Because I'm careful. But you know how I am when I do get sick. And we know how bad my immune system is." He sighed, realising he wasn't helping the situation. "Sorry..."  
"It's fine, I know you don't like hospitals." Burt answered.   
Not long after they got called through to one of the examination rooms.


	3. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt undergoes his first set of treatments and attempts to keep himself together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, but will be updating two maybe three stories tonight to make up for it!

"No, Adam, I need to stay in Lima for a bit." He spoke over the phone as he walked the familiar hall, he looked to his old locker and smiled. "Because, its some personal stuff... Please don't be upset. No it's not about Blaine. I know it's sudden and I'm sorry if it upsets you.. I just need to be here at the moment... Yes I'm aware this is our first fight. However I'm also aware that it wouldn't have been a fight if you hadn't turned it into one." He sighed at his boyfriends response. "Adam. I have to go... Alright just message me later OK?" There was no response other than the call ending and he sighed. Adam was usually so laid back about things, though he seemed to think something was happening between Kurt and Blaine.   
Kurt sighed, he decided not to tell Adam the full story, it would only distract him from his studies. He would tell him eventually when he got back to New York on holiday from NYADA. He continued on his way, he wasn't sure why Coach Sue had called for him, but - with a little reluctance and fear - he agreed to the meeting.   
"You wanted to see me coach...?" He asked quietly as he walked in, clutching his bag strap.   
"Porcelain. Come in, have a seat." She smiled, and for once it seemed sincere. He slowly closed the door and made his way over to the familiar red chair. He waited for her to speak as she took off her glasses and placed them on the desk. "Porcelain... Kurt." She corrected herself, giving a sad smile. "As you know I take good pride in having the school rigged, and of course I overheard your news." She sighed and looked up to him with compassion. "I just wanted to ask how you're feeling. God knows Erma would be too uncomfortable to ask and Will would probably just say something about all of it being OK if we all sing a song of acceptance." She sighed once again.   
He was taken back by this, she seemed sincerely sorry that this was happening to him. "Oh... Um I think I'm doing OK. In all honesty my dads taking it harder than I am at the moment... Guess when they start the... Treatment-" he paused for a moment, looking down at the desk. "Then it'll probably hit me." He gave a small smile. She gave one back.   
"Now I read through everyone's files when I was principle and of course yours included. And I understand - without trying to pry or make you uncomfortable - that your mother also got diagnosed with this illness?"   
He nodded slightly, his dry lips turning into a thin line. "Yes... She got it when I was a couple years old. Didn't affect her much at first but she kept refusing to go to the hospital to get tested and in the end it was too strong. She didn't get diagnosed until a year before she died so..." He swallowed, not realising his throat had been that dry. "I guess I'm lucky my dad forced me to get tested."   
His attempt at humour made his former coach give another small smile. "I want you to know porcelain that I am also one of the people you can talk to if need be, or if you need anything else. I had a close friend a few years back who went through this so I know how challenging it can be." She smiled one more time, this time widely, before placing her glasses back on. "Now, if I'm not mistaken there is helmet-hair-Anderson and big-nose-Berry waiting outside for you."   
He looked up to see them through the window giving sheepish, slightly guilty looks. He sighed and stood, walking over to the door. He stopped and turned. "Thank you coach..." He said, before walking out and knowing an onslaught of questions and barrage of hugs was coming his way.   
\------------  
"Hello, Mr... Hummel?" The nurse asked, walking in and holding out her hand. He took it and nodded slightly, fully aware that his hand was shaking and slightly clammy. "Hi, I'm Nurse Tark. I'll be administering your treatment. Now, the doctor told me to fully disclove the severity of your condition so there's no questions later on." She gave a warm smile. He liked her, she seemed genuinely nice.   
"I'm Kurt and yes we would like to know everything... I really need to know how bad this is." He gave a nervous chuckle as his dad clasp his shoulder, standing up from his chair and perching on the side of the bed.   
"Is there anything we should worry about with the treatment?" Burt asked.   
"Well as long as Kurt isn't ellergic to pain killers and general anaesthetics he could be fine. There can be a pretty nasty reaction to the chemotherapy in some patients but I'll get to that afterwards." She smiled again, her dark freckles highlighting her green eyes. "So, as it stands you have checked positive for three different types of cancer. There's skin, mainly along the back where the spine is and along certain bones."   
"What effect could that have?" Burt asked, though knew most of it from Elizabeth. He knew Kurt would be too scared to ask questions right now.   
"Well it could weaken defenses against virusus etc. Although the chemo will also do that as well. It also means that bruising will occur at random times, and this type is the cause of the red splotches on your skin."   
"Wait... Wait three types of cancer?" Kurt asked. "How is that possible...? I thought... I thought you could only get one?" He seemed to be breathing rapidly and Burt squeezed his hand to calm him down.   
"It is fairly rare but it's not completely uncommon. Usually this occurs with older patients though, and we can only assume all three types began to occur at the same time. Which is quite shocking to say the least. If anything it makes you a lot luckier. And hopefully the treatment will work at the sane time for all three types." She smiled again and Kurt nodded slightly, looking down at his hands where a couple red splotches had popped up earlier. "As for the second type, this one is in the bones, and effects bone marrow. Weakens the calcium and basically it eats away at the bones. Fortunately it doesn't seem like we will need to do a transplant or anything so everything should go smoothly with the chemotherapy to tackle that one."   
"And that will make him weak?" Burt asked. The nurse nodded.   
"Unfortunately so, the bone marrow is basically a sort of filling to the bones. Though once again we are lucky we caught it at this stage."   
Burt nodded once again and glanced at his son, who continued to stare at his hands.   
"And the third type is of the blood. Its called lymphoma and it basically attacks the blood cells that fight off infections, illness and keep your immune system strong." She walks over to a blood pressure machine. "Now, a few questions while I take your blood pressure." She smiled and he placed his arm into the machine, knowing it was about to become uncomfortable. "Do you smoke Kurt?" He shook his head. "Drink?" He shook his head again. "OK, have you noticed any migraines, feeling weak, sudden unexplainable weight loss?" She looked to the machine and nodded slightly writing down the number. "I understand you were bought in because of passing out a few times."  
"Yes... Um I havnt noticed any migraines. I've had a couple headaches though and I guess I've been feeling tired lately and... Achey. And I have lost a couple stone." He admitted before looking back down at his hands. The nurse jotted down some notes on his information before nodding.   
"Right, now I'm going to go get the medicine, it may take a while to prepare so feel free to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat or play on your phone. I also have a collection of books if you get bored so just ask someone and they'll lend you some. I will need to take a blood test when I get back and you will have to wear one of those weird things that goes over your nose." She smiled and he smiled back, fighting the urge to make some snarky comment about not matching his outfit. "Other than that I'm going to need a urine sample in this." She handed over a small test tube and Kurt blushed slightly in embarrassment. "And I will check everything else when I get back." She smiled one last time and nodded to Kurt and Burt before exiting again.   
"She's nice." Kurt spoke. Burt smiled. He took a moment of looking at his son before asking what he wanted to know.   
"You feeling ok kiddo?"   
Kurt went to nod but then shook his head slightly. "I'm not sure. Three types is a lot... I mean... If one goes what if the others just get stronger?" He regretted asking straight away and bit his lip, looking back down and away from his fathers expression.   
"Kurt." Burt held his sons hand. "You remember what I said when you got your finalist letter for NYADA?"   
"Screw your heart?" His son giggled slightly.   
"Nah. After that. You did it, and you showed them all. And it didn't matter what any of them said because you proved them wrong. You beat them all." He smiled. "And if anyone is strong enough to make it through this, it's you. We both know it."   
Kurt smiled back and hugged his dad. "Thanks daddy..." He mumbled, muffled by his dads shirt.   
"No problem kiddo."   
\------------  
Emma ran down the corridor toward the history classroom. She stopped in the doorway and panted slightly as Will looked up, noting her distressed face.   
"Emma?" He asked, walking over, she took him outside.   
"It's Kurt." Was all she said before they were running down the corridor.   
They stopped as they came to the other end of the school, near the choir room.   
Kurt lay on the floor, his limbs all over the place from the fall and his eyes closed. He was paler and his breathing hitched slightly.   
Rachel knelt next to him, silent tears cascading down her cheeks. Coach Biest rubbed the girls back and looked up as the other teachers made their way over.   
"What happened?" Will asked Rachel, kneeling down as well.   
"We were just walking and suddenly he seemed to zone out and... And he fell. And he wouldn't wake up." The girl whimpered and Beist wrapped an arm around her shoulder.   
"He's still breathing and there's a pulse. Its fairly strong so we think he's ok." The coach smiled sadly as Will picked the boy up carefully, trying to be as gentle as he could. The boy seemed way too easy to lift as he carried him to the choir room and placed him down on the raised up platform.   
"Kurt...?" Will asked, rocking the boy slightly.   
It took a few moments of silence with Rachel's whimpers and Emma's and Beists sniffles before the boy slowly opened his eyes.   
"Whthappn?" The boy asked, his words getting jumbled.   
"Hey, Kurt... You passed out in the corridor." His teacher answered. The boys eyes became slightly wider but didn't open past half lidded. "How you feeling?"   
"Nauseas..." The boy answered. "But I'll be ok..."  
He made a move to sit up but almost fell from the platform with Will placing a steady hand on his shoulder to keep him from hurting himself.   
"Woah... Easy Kurt. Need some help?"   
"...guess I better get used to being helped..." He mumbled before giving a slight nod, at which his teacher helped him sit up and he looked around the room, panting slightly and looking at the faces around him.   
"Rachel...? Have you been crying...?" He asked, feeling guilty.   
"I was worried, I'm ok. I'm glad you're ok." She gave a smile and came over, giving him a careful hug.   
Will got him a cup of water and handed it to him.   
"Thank you..." Kurt whispered, sipping from the glass.   
They sat there for a small while until the boy looked almost back to his usual self. "Sorry if I worried anyone." He spoke. Everyone gave a smile.   
"When's your first set of chemo?" Will asked, taking a seat next to him.   
"Today... Later on." Kurt answered. "They're also gonna clarify which form of... Cancer... It is and explain everything properly. They're also gonna do tests for blood and stuff." He shuddered slightly thinking about needles. He'd always hated needles, mainly a mix from being ill when he was young and also seeing needles going into his mum. "Doctors said no one can visit other than my dad this time but the treatments will get longer and stuff so I'm allowed friends there to pass the time. I don't think we could get the whole glee club in the ward because other people need space too but it should be fine for a few at a time." He smiled slightly.   
"That's good." Emma chimed in, smiling.   
"Do you need help getting home?" Will asked.   
Kurt thought for a moment before giving a small nod and handing his keys to his teacher, who helped the boy stand and supported him as they made their way to the car.   
Half way there the boy had assured his teacher he should be able to walk on his own and Will had agreed but also kept close in case he needed to help. Rachel had come with them and strapped herself into the back of the navigator as Will said goodbye to Emma.   
"Tell the kids to study for the rest of the lesson, though there's not too much left to do. And please explain to Figgins..." He smiled and they shared a quick kiss. "I'll see you later." He smiled and waved to Shannon as well before pulling out of the parking lot and driving Kurt home.


	4. Cost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, had stuff going on, was planning on taking a short break but had some ideas for this piece so decided why not?

Burt rubbed his eyes, tired from a long day at the shop. He sighed and folded the piece of paper back up.   
Carole was in the lounge with Kurt, watching some chic flick he had never heard of.   
'2,000' he thought. '2,000 for chemo... It's gone up.' He let out another sigh and dropped the paper onto the table, deciding to forget about it for now.   
Making his way into the lounge he smiled and rested against the doorframe.   
Kurt was sat in Finn's old seat - refusing to sit anywhere else whenever he visited - leaning against Carole, who smiled as she watched the film.   
His son seemed tired. His skin looked white in the harsh light of the TV and the tube he wore around his face just made him look all the more sickly. He had taken to wearing his deep blue beany as well, even though nothing had happened to his hair. It had only been about five hours after all.   
He sighed and made his way into the room, smiling at Kurt's sleepy expression. He decided against his usual seat and instead made his way to the other side of the sofa so that Kurt was in the middle. At first his son looked like he wanted to protest from being moved from his step-brother's seat but didn't put up too much of a fight as he sleepily realised how comfy he was between his guardians.   
He didn't make it to the end of the film before he peacefully fell asleep on Carole's shoulder.   
\------------  
"Anderson." Burt spoke, looking to the boy as he made his way over to the bed, a sheepish grin on his face.   
"Mr.Hummel..." He answered, giving a slight nod.   
"I don't think Kurt is in the mood to see anyone..."   
Blaine looked to Kurt, well the back of Kurt, who was perched on the edge of the two end of the bed, his shoulders slumped and his arms wrapped around a small bucket. Blaine carefully made his way round to that side of the bed, knowing that Burt was watching him.   
He smiled at his ex-boyfriends pouted expression, before taking in the beany and the nose tube and the IV dripping the chemo into his arm.   
"Hi, Kurt..." Blaine spoke, quietly like he would startle the boy if he spoke too loudly. Kurt simply curled up more on himself and looked away.   
Blaine looked around the rest of the ward, looking back to Kurt, who he knew hated people seeing him in times of weakness. But he knew Kurt all too well.  
He sat next to him, feeling the warning look from Burt as he did so, and smiled slightly as Kurt took a quick glance at him.   
His eyes were rimmed red and all colour had drained from his face, the bucket he held smelled like puke but Blaine didn't mind. Kurt looked away again, and Blaine knew he didn't want to talk.   
"I know you said nobody was allowed to visit at the moment other than your dad and Carole but I spoke with the nurse... She said it was ok as long as I didn't disturb you much."   
"She clearly doesn't know you..." Kurt mumbled. Blaine simply smiled, knowing it was just a defense mechanism mixed with the medication.   
"Well I did warn her." He smiled again, feeling Kurt shaking next to him. He placed a comforting hand on his ex-boyfriends' shoulder blade and was happy when Kurt didn't make a move to push him away and actually glanced at him again.  
Burt decided to take a toilet break at this point and told them he'd be back in a moment and that he was also going to grab some food if anyone wanted anything. Kurt had quickly shook his head and Blaine politely declined.   
"So... How come Adam isn't flying down here to see you and look after you...?" Blaine couldn't stop himself from asking. He received 'that look' from Kurt.   
"Don't Anderson." Was the stern answer, and it felt like Kurt attempted to pull away from the touch on his shoulder. "It's only... Second treatment-"  
However a few seconds later his stomach unraveled once again - though there was nothing left to throw up. Burt went to make his way over but stopped and sat back down as he realised Blaine was handling it.   
The smaller boy rubbed circles on Kurt's back and when be seemed to be done, he stroked Kurt's hair, handing him a chewing gum.   
Kurt shakily took it and popped it into his mouth before weakly resting his head on the smaller boys shoulder, Blaine wrapping his arm around him.   
Burt and Blaine shared a look before Blaine began to speak to Kurt about NYADA, glee, anything really.   
Sure the two were roommates, but it was weird and they attempted to stay out of each other's way as much as they could, but now Blaine knew that they would be alright.   
\------------  
Carole sat at the kitchen table, the clock read 11:47, Burt was already in bed after the long day and the Chinese takeout containers were across the table from her. She held a warm cup of coffee and stared at the steam coming off the top.   
She didn't hear the footsteps behind her.   
"Carole...?" A small voice came. She turned and noticed her step-son, wrapped in a blanket, his face tired and his usually perfect hair dishevelled. She gave a small smile.   
"Hey..." She spoke, patting the seat next to her.   
Kurt made himself a cup of coffee as well and sat next to her at the table.   
"How are you coping?" She asked, it was clear she had been crying.   
"It's only been a few hours since I got the news... I don't think it's kicked in quite yet." He shrugged. "How are you...?" He looked up at her, sipping his drink.   
"Oh don't worry about me sweetie." She smiled, but Kurt gave her a look as if to say 'you know I'm gonna so don't lie to me.' "I'm alright. I'm more worried about you and your dad, I know how hard this must be for you."   
Kurt gave a small nod, looking down to the table. "I..." He began, pausing as if to ask himself if it was OK to talk about this stuff in front of Carole. He knew she loved him like he was her own and he loved her too, but he didn't talk to anyone about this stuff. "I never..." He paused again and Carole laid a compassionate hand on his forearm, letting him know it was OK to talk if that's what he needed. "I never... Knew my mum... I mean at full health. Earliest I remember she was still sick. I know I was just a kid but it sticks with you... Makes you wonder what will happen. Guess it makes you grow up too fast..."   
There was a slight silence and Carole looked at her step-son - who had never opened up like this before - with tears in her eyes as he stared down at the table.   
"I don't know... I'm sorry, guess I'm too tired to think normally..." He almost whispered.   
"Hey, it's OK. You can talk to me whenever you want to." She reassured and smiled, slightly in shock, when he gently rested his head on her shoulder.   
After a few minutes she could feel his falling asleep. "Goodnight Kurt..."   
"Night mum..."   
After a couple seconds of shock she looked down at the boy who now slept soundly on her shoulder. She smiled and let a small son escape her mouth, forcing herself to keep quiet and not wake him.   
A couple moments later Burt was down, she nodded when he asked if she was OK, and picked his son up carefully, taking him to his room before heading back to bed.   
Carole soon made her way up as well, wiping her eyes and sighing. She could help him through this.


	5. Miserable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt struggles with the first few treatments he's receiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while guys, had a lot of stuff going on personally
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy

"Kurt you have to eat something." Burt sighed, sitting at the table. Carole nodded in agreement.   
The kid who sat across from them looked too young. His skin was too pale and the beany he had taken to wearing made him look small and even paler. He poked at his food.   
"I feel sick..." Kurt mumbled.   
"That's the medication." Burt answered, knowing how stubourn his son could be. "You need to eat kid."   
Kurt let out a frustrated sigh before slowly eating some of the food. He chewed slowly, but the sickening feeling he felt rose up his throat as he swallowed. "I feel sick..." He repeated. He looked to his dad, then Carole.   
"Drink some water." Burt instructed. Kurt paused for a second.   
"Why are you being so mean...?" He spoke quietly, tears filling his eyes.   
"Kurt I'm not, you have to understand, I'm here to make sure you're OK. To make sure you eat and sleep and do everything you're supposed to do." Burt answered. He sighed again when his son refused to meet his eyes.   
"Kurt we can get some pills for the nausea tomorrow at the hospital sweety, but right now you need to do your best." Carole spoke now, her tone soothing. Kurt continued to look at the table, before there was a knock on the door.   
Kurt looked as though he wanted to jump up and rush over to let his friends in, but his expression changed and he stared at the table once again. It was strange that he was almost 20 but right now he looked no older than 16.   
Carole stood and opened the door, smiling at Rachel and Mercedes.   
"Hey girls, ready for the sleepover?" Carole asked. They both greeted her and agreed, leaking in and over to Kurt. "That's good, Kurt's been looking forward to this." Carole smiled.   
Kurt looked up at the two girls and gave a small smile. He decided to take this as an excuse to get away from the food that he knew he needed - but also knew he would throw up if he ate any of. "I'll take the girls upstairs..." He mumbled.   
"You'll do no such thing until you've eaten everything on that plate." Burt spoke, turning to the girls. "You girls hungry?"   
They both nodded and joined them at the table, serving themselves some of Carole's cooking. Rachel could tell Kurt had taught her, this food was his style. Healthy, nothing heavy, and yet really good spices and herbs to make it taste amazing.   
"So, Kurt, how's the treatment going?" Rachel asked.   
"Ok." He mumbled, poking the food around his plate.   
"Well that's good, do you know when we'll be allowed to come visit?" Mercedes added.   
"Dunno..." Kurt shrugged.   
"Dot worry girls, Kurt's just feeling a bit under the weather." Carole smiled.   
"Well that's why we're here! We bought mamma mia and roses turn!" Rachel smiled to her best friend, who gave a small smile back.   
After a few minutes he watched the girls eating while talking to Carole and Burt, it made him feel a little better about eating. He slowly managed to eat about a quarter of the plate and then pushed it away, slightly proud he'd managed to keep it down.   
"Ok, you guys can head upstairs now if you want." Burt spoke. "You know where the spare blankets and pillows are. And if you want snacks later just come help yourselves to sweets and crisps and stuff."   
The girls thanked him and Carole before taking Kurt upstairs, giggling as they went. 

\------------

"Not feeling too good this week Kurt?" His usual nurse asked as she came over to check up on him. He simply shook his head.   
"He's miserable." Burt answered for him. "Hardly talks anymore, struggling to keep food down..."   
"Well they can all be normal symptoms of the chemo, however they're probably magnified due to how strong the treatment were giving you is." She smiled. "So we can think about giving you a prescription for anti-depressants and anti-nauscia pills." She checked his charts. "As far as recovery, there doesn't seem to be any news yet. But you're not deteriorating as quickly as when you first came in so that's a very good sign." She smiled to Kurt. "This is your thrd treatment Kurt am I right?"   
"Yeah..." Kurt mumbled, giving a slight nod.   
Burt would give anything to have his cheerful, happy boy jumping around his loft in New York, excitedly singing a Broadway classic or dancing with Rachel, or being somewhat stressed about his studies. Anything to look at his son and know that even though he wasn't ok, his walls were still up to show he was handling whatever it was that was putting him into a rut.   
Kurt caught his dad's eye, noticing the man's gaze. He raised his eyebrow slightly. Burt gave a small smile.   
"You're allowed your friends to visit this time, Kurt. And judging by the line of kids outside they know." The nurse spoke as she set up his chemotherapy.  
Kurt rolled his eyes light heartedly before giving the nurse a small smile.   
"Ill tell them only a few can come and visit as a time." The nurse smiled and left as Kurt felt the medicine entering him. And of course, the usual wave of sickness hit him and his dad was quickly by his side, rubbing his back as he held the sick bucket for his son, who attempted to be quiet as he threw up into it.   
Mr. Shuester, Tina, Blaine and Quinn walked in and over. "Hey Kurt, how are you feeling?" Quinn asked, rubbing his back as she perched next to him. He had stopped throwing up but kept the bucket close as he gave a small nod, unable to speak right now.   
"He gets a little moody and quiet when he's having treatment." Burt explained, shaking Shuester hand.   
Blaine and Tina had made their way to the other side of the bed and we're sat behind the sick boy, engaging him in conversation as Mr Shue sat next to Burt, talking about treatments and pills and recovery.   
A few hours later, Kurt had fallen asleep on Quinn's shoulder, his hand wrapped inside Blaine's as Tina lay at the bottom of the hospital bed. The nurse came back in.   
"Right guys, treatments over for now, he can go home." She smiled, unhooking Kurt from the treatment and taking it away. She came back a few minutes later. "Burt the next set of treatments is set in four days, does that work for you?"   
"Of course, thanks again. I'll get him home." Burt smiled, standing and the kids who surrounded Kurt moved out of the way as Burt picked the sick boy up.   
Once he had gotten him into the car he turned to the eager kids that stood behind him and smiled.   
"I'm sure Kurt would like to be around friends right now." He smiled. "Come on, hop in. You can all stay round tonight."   
The kids all smiled and thanked him, saying goodbye to Mr Shuester before getting into the navigator.   
"I'll update soon Shue." Burt smiled before driving away. 

\------------

The beeping had become all too familiar to his young ears as he nuzzled next to his mother.   
She was sleeping soundly, and he copied what she had done to him for so many years when he was sick, he stroked her hair and touched the back of his hand to her forehead, not really understanding why he had to do that, but he made sure to be gentle.   
Burt walked in, noticing his sons actions before giving a small smile. His son was so grown up for his age. The rest of him said differently though, as he looked a couple years younger than his age. He was always a smaller kid. So was Elizabeth so it made sense.   
He walked over and picked the five year old up, cradling him as he sat down in the seat beside the bed.   
"Mommy needs some rest right now, bud." Burt explained, but Kurt still complained.   
"I help!" Kurt spoke. He copied the actions again, this time doing them to Burt. "See! I'm big boy!" He smiled widely, a twinkle in his eyes.   
"You're a tired boy." Burt smirked. "Get some sleep bud."   
Soon after a while of Kurt dancing around and singing quietly, his singing turned into mumbling and soon turned into him sleeping on his dad's chest.   
Burt smiled as he looked at his son. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing with the boy, he didn't know what food to give him or what fashions the kid attempted to steal from his mother, he didn't understand the tea parties and the films the boy liked. He needed Elizabeth.   
He needed the woman who lay in the hospital bed, wires attached to her and the slow beeps from the machine slicing through the silence.   
Most of all he needed Kurt to have a chance at a childhood, which was quickly being taken away as the kid gained more responsibilities and was realising things that kids his age shouldn't know about until years later. Burt looked to his wife. They looked so alike. The same kind blue eyes, soft expressions, fluffy brown hair.   
He sighed and let a small strangled sob escape his lips as tears streamed down his face.   
He didn't know what to do with a child. Together he and Elizabeth made one very good parents. He sighed, not letting his mind drift to 'what ifs'. He fell asleep next to his wife, a hand in hers with his son asleep on his chest.   
Of course it would be alright. 

It had to be...


End file.
